Mommy Wants a Timeout

In which I contemplate absurd moments in parenthood, occasionally attempt to refer to myself as a “triathlete” while keeping a straight face, and maybe post some random pictures of stuff I’m knitting

Unreasonable Demands

We are 2-for-2 in spilled glasses of milk in our past 2 meals. We’re also 2-for-2 in me scolding the kiddo for not paying attention, and 2-for-2 in him responding with, “You’re not my mommy anymore! Now leave this house!” Parenthood rocks.

My husband has been working 14- to 16-hour shifts for most of the past week and through the weekend…He’s in the middle of 10 days without a day off. I want him to come home. I also want my son to start behaving like the sweet 2-year-old he used to be, or the sweet 4-year-old everyone promised I’d get. (Everyone who told me 3 is the worst, and 4 gets so much better: Thanks for creating false hope.) This whiny, demanding, tantrum-y child is a stranger to me.

Since I have no reasonable expectations that either of the above wishes will come true anytime soon, I might as well dish out a list of other equally unlikely demands.

1. I’d like the Seattle Mariners to have a winning season. This year.
2. I’d like my podiatrist to clear me for running by the middle of May.
3. I’d like to get back on my bike soon, and have it magically fit me perfectly…Oh, and I’d like to discover at the same time that I LOVE cycling!
4. I’d like the other moms at preschool to want to ask me for fashion tips because I always look so chic. (Probably better stop wearing ratty sweats at drop-off time if I want this to happen.)
5. I’d like Starbucks to develop a no-calorie caramel macchiato that doesn’t taste like artificial sweetener.
6. While we’re on the subject of coffee, how about designing a blend that whitens teeth?
7. I’d like whatever wild creature that keeps digging up my sugar snap peas to cease before I don’t have any left.
8. I really, really want to go for a teensy, weensy jog.

Gotta go now…Time to drag the little monster out to the car while he complains about how won’t go to school because “school is boring, and I’m already smart enough.” Rest assured, when I pick him up in four hours, he’ll be full of stories about all the fun things he did that day, and how funny all his friends are.

And then we’ll do it all again tomorrow.


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2 thoughts on “Unreasonable Demands

  1. Parenthood rocks! That made me laugh. Hang in there, you will make it through, but you will certainly have plenty more days like this throughout the next, oh 14 years. Trust me. Hope your podiatrist clears you soon so you can run. That will surely help. 🙂

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