Mommy Wants a Timeout

In which I contemplate absurd moments in parenthood, occasionally attempt to refer to myself as a “triathlete” while keeping a straight face, and maybe post some random pictures of stuff I’m knitting

Really Annoying People

Unless it's me you're talking too, of course...

You know those people who are all, like, “Oh my gosh, when I can’t exercise, I feel so terrible” and “I’m so addicted to running” and “Being fit is just part of my lifestyle.” Yeah. Those people are SOOOOO obnoxious, flaunting their superior fitness and their healthy lifestyles. You know what, people? You complaining about how sacred your exercise is just makes us non-fit people want to beat you up…If we could build up the energy to get off the couch and do it. That’s really how I feel…People who talk incessantly about their exercise routines, and, conversely, complain when their exercise routines get disrupted, are colossally annoying. Except…

Since I’ve had this boot on my foot, and can’t run or bike, I’m just so depressed. I can’t sleep well, I feel my thighs turning to jello…All my muscles are just wasting away, I’m sure of it. Those running endorphins are addicting, you know? Once you get used to it, you can’t just quit cold turkey. It’s like I don’t even have a choice; I HAVE to exercise. Plus, I’m losing so much ground towards my summer goal of an Olympic triathlon (the distance, of course…I’m not London 2012 material.) And swimming laps with a pull buoy is getting really boring…

Oh crap…I’ve become the person I hate: The Fitness Freak. I’d just like to make a blanket apology to all of my friends who have had to listen to me complain about my injury and my lack of ability to train.

To take the heat off myself, here’s a list of other people who really annoy me. Let’s point fingers at them instead:

1. Women who brag about their newborns sleeping through night at, like, one week old. It wasn’t anything you did, trust me. Next time around, you’ll probably have a REAL baby.

2. Ditto for mothers who had no trouble with breastfeeding.

3. People who read Dostoevsky, Faulkner, and the Brontë sisters without being enrolled in a literature course. Yay for you, smarty-pants. Now let me get back to my cheap paperback mystery.

4. People who wear their Bluetooth earpieces all the time, even when they’re not talking on them. It doesn’t make you look busy or important, people.

5. People who misuse apostrophes. (Or should I say, “apostrophe’s?”)

Okay, that’s enough really annoying people to get me off the hook for right now, isn’t it? And I promise, I will be a much nicer and more interesting person when I can FINALLY go for a RUN already!

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6 thoughts on “Really Annoying People

  1. I have avoided doing any posts about how much some people bug me because I might not ever be able to stop.

  2. I always giggle when I hear someone telling me how well their two-day old baby is sleeping. It usually took my kids a week to wake up and join the party.

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