Mommy Wants a Timeout

In which I contemplate absurd moments in parenthood, occasionally attempt to refer to myself as a “triathlete” while keeping a straight face, and maybe post some random pictures of stuff I’m knitting

There’s No Special Place In Hell For a Mother Who Would Steal From Her Child, Is There?

This post-Halloween season I find myself contemplating the ethics of trick-or-treating with a preschooler. A few questions I’m wrestling with as I’m nibbling on some of these Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups:

  1. If your kid can only reliably count to 12, he’s unaware of the exact number of candies he obtained, and therefore won’t notice if any are missing, right?
  2. If the aforementioned kid has previously not been introduced to a certain variety of candy (say, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups), there’s no harm in editing them from his take, is there? In the long run, it’s probably doing him a favor, actually.
  3. If you happen to know that your kid isn’t all that interested in candy, is it still okay to encourage him to hit a few extra houses in the neighborhood? Just to show off his cute costume, of course…

I’d like to pretend these questions only came up for me after this Halloween season, but in truth, I’m constantly offering to “hold on to that until you’re ready for it,” and then eating it after my son has forgotten about it. The lollipops from the drive-thru coffee shop, treats that come in party favor bags, the candy the nice secretary at Daddy’s office gives him every time we stop in for a visit…All these go into my purse, and come out again at naptime, when I tell myself I’m preserving my child’s dental health while sacrificing my own.

So far, it hasn’t backfired on me…Kamran never seems to remember the candy once it’s out of sight. And if he ever does ask for it, I fully intend to inform him that I took it in place of the back rent he owes me for that nine months he spent in my womb.


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2 thoughts on “There’s No Special Place In Hell For a Mother Who Would Steal From Her Child, Is There?

  1. It is essential that you remove peanut butter cups from the offerings. You never know if combining peanut butter with chocolate will set off an unknown allergy. It is good parenting not to risk it. And to eat them all yourself. Take one for the team!

  2. Thanks so much for backing me up on this…I’m glad people recognize the sacrifice I’m making to protect my child!

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